Saturday, September 3, 2011

Do Not Swallow the Pool Water

For Easter, Luka got tickets from his Godparents to take the whole family to Water World.  I love the water, the kids love the water...Brad hates the water.  I give Brad a lot of crap about hating the water because I love it sooooo much.  As soon as we got there he started putting limits on things he would do.  First and foremost he would not go on any ride where he might be splashed in the face.  I scoffed.  He pulled me aside and gave me a serious talk about how many people poop in the water at places like this, "Seriously, it's full of fecal matter!" he told me.  Yes...Brad says fecal matter instead of "poop" if he's forced to talk on the subject.  I think he likes to make it sound as bad as it makes him feel when he has to think about it.  Just the word poop, as he says it, seems to leave some sort of  poop taste as it slides off his lips.

A sign at Water World
This is what Brad sees every time he looks at a swimming pool...every time.

I always just push the thought of fecal matter in the pool out of my mind and assume there's enough chlorine in the water to choke a horse.  I will never be able to do that again.  After a fun day of water rides, slides and swimming we were taking a snack break.  Nadia was exhausted and laid down right on the concrete and passed out.  Brad was taking pictures of that cuteness while Luka and I were chatting over pudding cups. 

Luka got up from the table and as he stood up he said to me, "I pooped! I stepped in poop!"  I looked down and it looked like he had stepped on a small green piece of goose poop.  I thought it was strange that he would find the ONE piece of goose poop in the entire park to step on but... that's my boy!  Then he moved his foot again and there was a big glob of sandy mud stuck to his foot so I chalked the goose poop up to being mud.  On that note, I decided to take the kids and get them showered and changed in the bath house before we went home.
I made Brad go with me and as soon as we got into the bath house, he was completely disgusted.  The floor was covered in water that sloshed over your flip-flops and it didn't smell very sweet.  I was grossed out too but I didn't complain, I didn't want to gross out the kids and make it harder to change them.  I stripped down Luka first and he had sand in his pants....????  What the hell?  There was no sand at Water World!  A nice little turd rolled out onto the floor with a small splash and instantly I flashed back to the goose poop and "sandy mud glob" on his foot.  Oh. My. Gosh!!  REALLY?????  It started to break up around my feet and the turd was turning into fecal matter right before my eyes!!!  I instantly started having flashbacks of each and every time I had been splashed in the face.  Each time I got a little bit of water in my mouth!  Splish. Splash. Frickety-Splash. Right in the face.  Brad took pictures and video of me, the turd and Luka while he laughed his ass off.

Matter... fecal matter.

I am a mom so my quick thinking took over and the rest is a blur.  I do remember picking up what was left of the turd with toilet paper and flushing it.  (The people who would come in after us would have no clue what was in the water splashing over their flip-flops.) I used almost all of the hand soap in the bath house, I soaped down Luka, my feet and my shoes.  We made it out alive.  Now all I can do is pray I don't have bad dreams and  wait to see if I get pink-eye....and live with the *shit* Brad will be giving me for the next hundred years.

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