Sunday, March 18, 2012

Pain

Finding his body on the ground, blood in his ear, nose and mouth.  He was snoring so loudly as he breathed in  and foaming as he breathed out.  I opened one eye with my fingers to see if they were rolled back in his head but his pretty brown eyeball was still there glassed over, not looking back at me.
Waiting for help.
Seeing him in the E.R., the soup I had made a day earlier that he had eaten for lunch vomited all over his chest and down the side of the hospital bed.  A man manually pumping air into his mouth with a big balloon-like pump.  Thanking the man.
Waiting for him to fly out.
My brother and mom in the car with me. My brother driving and my mom in the back seat holding my hand. Waiting to get there.
Walking in to the waiting room in Wichita to find over 30 of his family members there, waiting.  Waiting for me, waiting for news, waiting.
Waiting for a sign of life.
Waiting for MRI's.
Waiting for him to wake up.
Waiting for a finger movement or an eye flicker.
Being told he was well enough to leave ICU.
Looking at him and wondering how the hell that could be possible.  He was still in a coma!  What the hell???
Waiting for a bed on the regular medical floor.
Waiting for his leg to stop kicking.
Waiting for his foot to stop bleeding.
Waiting for a bed at Madonna.
Riding in the ambulance all the way to Nebraska.
Seeing so many guys who were ready to go home and realizing I didn't want him to be like them.  They were still so injured.
Realizing him being like them would be lucky...at least he'd have quality of life.
Waiting for family to visit.
Waiting for his collar to come off so I could cut his mullitt.
Waiting for therapy.
Waiting for him to sit up, to stand up, to eat, to speak, to look at me and know who I was.
Waiting for his anger to go away.
Waiting for his black eye to disappear.
Waiting to be discharged.
Waiting for his eyes to go back to normal.
.....
Waiting for the pain to go away.

Waiting for the pain to go away.