Monday, May 24, 2010

Just a dirty Waychalk

While in the parking lot of the store, Nadia pointed out that a car in the row across from us had a metal turtle on the back of it.  I explained to her that it wasn't a turtle but a fish that Christians use as a symbol of their faith.  She looked at me, threw her hands up and said "Oh, and all we have on our car is a dirty Waychalk!" 

Thursday, May 13, 2010

old men and horny chickens

About a year ago I started buying whole chickens to boil and then shred instead of buying canned shredded chicken.  I did this for a few reasons: 1. to save money, 2. because I don't like chicken and shredded chicken is easier for me to hide in recipes and, 3. because if I am able to eat the chicken I will be more likely to serve it for dinner and I know my kids should eat chicken.
After a while of doing this I got pretty comfortable with the routine and the only thing that really bothered me was removing the kidneys and liver.  So I decided to go even farther and save a few more bucks.  I bought a chicken that still had the gizzards and the neck.  OMG, I have never been so afraid of a dead piece of meat in my life!!!!!  You may think afraid is the wrong word and you would be right...I was terrified!  When I cut open the bag, what looked like a shriveled up penis literally POPPED out at me!  I had to call my mom and have her talk me through getting the gross horny looking bird ready to boil.  She laughed at me the whole time and I was on the verge of puking and tears for about an hour.
This experience really made me appreciate my grandmothers and their entire generation.  No wonder women were considered prudes back then, if I had to look at that chicken everyday and then go to bed with a horny man I might throw up right there on the bed.  I'll admit that a young mans penis looks much more appealing than a skinned chicken neck; and yes, I use the words "young man" because I have seen a lot of old man penis' and they tend to look more like the shriveled chicken neck than they do a young man's penis.  On the other hand I have not seen many old man penis' when the said old man is actively horny.  And I say "actively" because the horny old men I've seen don't get a prescription for Viagra in the nursing home. Although one did have a penile implant that he refused to deflate...
I think I'll skip eating any of the chicken I shredded tonight...I'm not in the mood.

Monday, May 10, 2010

A memory from my "working mother" days

For all the moms who give me crap for cooking, making t-shirts, ribbons ect. If I even worked part time outside of the home there would be no way I would do half the stuff I do! After Nadia was born and I returned to work I didn't even get Nadia bathed! My babysitter did it for me and the funniest part was that she had never taken care of a white baby before and would "grease" Nadia's hair after her baths--I didn't have the heart to tell her white people don't use grease on their baby's heads! Oh and she had twins that were two weeks older than Nadia and would actually get asked if they were triplets!!! I told her to tell anyone who asked; yes, and that Nadia was albino.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

FEDEX to the rescue!

Nadia has noticed that we see FedEx trucks everywhere we go.  When I told her they deliver packages she became even more infatuated with them and to her pleasure, they are all over in Fort Collins........
With the help of the Grandparents, we got a 2010 pass to the Denver Zoo.  Today I packed a lunch, packed a wagon, packed the kids and headed out.  We made it there with no problems and had a great day.  I was a little worried about pulling the wagon because it is much heaver to pull than a double stroller is to push but it was the perfect choice for the zoo.  Luka pushed the wagon while I pulled and was able to get in and out as he wanted to when in a stroller he has to be strapped in each time or he'll fall out.
The kids saw a peacock with it's tail feathers in full "bloom" and rode the carousel.  It was a really fun time.
Now the typical Sarah was my first time driving to the zoo by myself and I carefully copied the mapquest directions on a piece of paper before we went.  It was so simple, not at all scary and I never felt lost once.  I decided to just back-track the directions in order to get home and never gave it a second thought.  Shoulda given it a second thought.  As I was looking for the on-ramp to go back on the highway we came on, I couldn't find it.  I made a u-turn and tried again.  Nope, it was an exit-only street. CRAP.
I knew Brad had the GPS in his truck and I have no phone so I was screwed.  I just got back on the highway from whence we came and crossed my fingers.  For miles I passed things I had seen two days earlier when Brad, the kids and I were over here but they were on the wrong side of the car...I was going the wrong direction and I knew it but there were NO exit/entrances on to this stupid highway!  Nadia kept talking to me and reading me her "nap" of the zoo and finally I told her she had to be quiet because mommy was lost and getting a little scared.  After a while she yelled, "look mommy!  A fedex truck!  You happy now?  Now we're not lost!!!"  Cute, made me smile, and I saw a sign that pointed the way to DIA.  I took the exit and knew I could make it home from the airport no matter how far out of the way it was. Tom Hanks lost and got me unlost. (not really, but it did make me smile!)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Eating right?

Is substituting 2 cups whole wheat flour for two cups white flour still better for you if it's going to be deep fat fried and drizzled in a mixture of butter and powdered sugar?   I told Nadia if she went right to sleep and dreamt of doughnuts that the doughnut fairy was sure to visit.  Sure enough, we made a batch of homemade doughnuts and the so-sick-I-could-puke fairy visited Brad and I right after the doughnut fairy left.  THEY ARE JUST TOO GOOD TO RESIST!!!  (I wish I had a mom here who could give me just one and no matter how much I cried for another one wouldn't let me have one--for my own good.)