1,2,3 Not It!

So, two days ago Nadia woke up at 6:30 and came into our room. I made her a cup of milk and told her I'd go sleep with her for a while since it was too early for her to be awake because she went to bed so late. We went into her room and snuggled up but she just kept messing around so I turned my back to her thinking she would get bored and go back to sleep. As we were laying there I began to smell something that can only be compared to cat sh!t! A little stronger and a little stronger as the minutes went by. I thought Nadia just had gas so I fanned out the covers and told her to go to sleep. After a minute I heard "uhhhUHHHHT" She GAGGED!! It was a tiny version of my own loud, embarrassing gag.  It's so funny to hear her little gag and the thought that she gagged on her own stink was almost too much for me! It really did smell awful though. She looked at me with her nose pinched tight by her little finger and said, "I just can't sleep with all this stink!"  Just then Luka popped his little head up and said, "I POOPED!!!" Sure as shit it was terrible diarrhea, I had to take him to the shower and hose him off.
Yesterday was pretty uneventful until last night when I was so exhausted I decided to go to bed at 8:30.  Brad and I were watching a Louie C.K. stand-up special when Brad when out to get something to drink.  He came back in and said the kids were yelling at him to get them a drink.  (He ignored their pleas).  A little while later Nadia came in and asked for a drink, immediately, before he could think I called "not it" so he had to take care of it.  He then asked me how it was fair that I could call "not it" and it was just up to him...I didn't answer and pretended to be asleep.  While he was out getting a drink for the kids I heard Nadia coming back into our room.  I quickly covered my head and played possum once again.  She tried to pull the blankets away from my face and was saying something I couldn't understand when, in slow motion sound, I heard the sound of giant pukingness.  Yep.  That's right.  She puked on my head (thank God there was a sheet between my face and the puke!!!).  I peeked out and it was everywhere.  All over my bed, my nightstand, my shirt, my pillows and my sheets...EVERY where.  I was paralyzed.  Paralyzed for two reasons; one, I was in shock and two, if I did move I was very likely to get puke on face.  I called to Brad to come help me (I really don't know what happened to Nadia at this time because, let's face it, I was focused completely on myself.) Brad was no help.  He saw the mess, started to gag and used only the tips of his fingers to throw tiny washcloths my way.  The whole time complaining about how gross it was. Really?  You think????
I was finally able to get out of bed and get the bed stripped when I realized we didn't have a back up pair of sheets.  Brad suggested we just sleep in our sleeping bags for the night. He had recently bought me a nice 'mummy' style sleeping bag and I hadn't tried it out yet. I assigned him the task of sleeping bag duty. Then I went to check on Nadia.
When you're a mother you plan for the worst, or at least I do.  So I needed to make sure Nadia's bed was ready for a 3 a.m. puke session.  She needed a puke bucket and extra towels.  I got her bucket set up and went to the laundry room to get her towels.  Just as I turned on the light I stepped in a squishy, pile of warm vomit.  Warm vomit between my toes. Yum.
I got it all taken care of, crawled into my sleeping bag and realized they weren't kidding when they named the bag "mummy".  I got back up, grabbed a sheet and instead of crawling in the sleeping bag, used it as a blanket.  I turned over and told Brad in the kindest voice I could muster, "That's why I get to call 'not it'."